Coimbra, Portugal (special for SIIC)

It is well established that attachment is associated with the quality of romantic relationships. Attachment security is associated with greater satisfaction and more trustful experiences in romantic relationships, while attachment insecurity negatively correlates with the quality of couple relationships. However, the mechanisms explaining the association between attachment (in)security and dyadic functioning are still poorly understood, particularly with regard to individual variables that originate in early attachment relationships. In this study, we have focused on self-criticism.

Self-criticism is a form of self-relating that involves constant, harsh self-evaluation as well as a chronic fear of others’ criticism, disapproval and rejection. In the context of the social rank mentality, self-criticism can also be viewed as an internal attack-submission relationship, activated in times of failure, in which a part of the self identifies self-flaws, makes accusations, condemns and hates the self, and another part submits. Self-criticism has its origins in interpersonal schemata developed in negative developmental experiences, particularly in early attachment experiences.

Given the relationship between attachment, self-criticism and interpersonal functioning, this study aimed to investigate whether self-criticism mediated the association between attachment dimensions and dyadic adjustment. Different forms of self-criticism and reassurance were evaluated: inadequate self, focused on disappointment, inferiority and feelings of inadequacy; hated self, focused on self-disgust and -hatred; and reassured self, which negatively correlates to the other two and refers to self-support or -compassion.

The sample of this study comprised 230 Caucasian subjects from the general Portuguese population who were 18 years old or older, and in a romantic relationship for at least six months. A battery of self-report questionnaires was provided to the participants online, accompanied by an introductory text that presented the inclusion criteria and information on confidentiality and ethical issues. The battery included the Portuguese versions of the Experiences in Close Relationships-Relationship Structures (ECR-RS) scale; the Forms of Self-Criticising/Attacking and Self-Reassuring Scale (FSCRS); and the Revised Dyadic Adjustment Scale (RDAS). Data analyses were conducted using the Statistical Package for the Social Sciences (SPSS, version 20.0; IBM SPSS, Chicago, IL). A parallel multiple mediation model (“model 4” in Hayes, 2013) with three mediators was estimated using PROCESS, a SPSS macro for path analysis-based moderation and mediation analysis. In this model, dyadic adjustment acted as the dependent variable; attachment dimensions as the independent variables; and the self-criticism facets as the mediators.

The main and innovative finding of this study was the mediator role of inadequate self in the association between attachment dimensions and dyadic adjustment. Our data suggest that the mediating effect of self-criticism is due to the development of a poor sense of self in insecure early attachment experiences. The negative association between inadequate self and dyadic adjustment may be explained in several ways, namely through fears of intimacy, reduced self-disclosure, feelings of being unlovable, and devaluation and withdrawal from romantic partners. It may also be explained by strategies used to compensate for the perceived inadequacy. Self-critical individuals tend to act competitively in relationships, control resources, fail to attend to differences in behaviour and status, and criticise and blame their partners. These actions may lead to confrontations and misunderstandings between romantic partners, rejection, feelings of relational failure and worthlessness, and increased self-criticism. Another possibility is the adoption of a submissive posture towards their partners, which can lead to lack of control over relationship outcomes, and to rejection, confirming judgments of one’s inferiority and the need to be submissive. Self-critical individuals may also perceive their partners as demanding unattainable standards in exchange for their love, which may trigger anger and hostility, resulting in highly hostile, critical and rejecting dyadic conflicts.

A critically important practical implication of this study, for professionals working with couples that wish to maintain or improve their relationships, was the identification of factors linking adult attachment and dyadic functioning that are more manageable than attachment patterns and the resulting interpersonal schemata. The inadequate-self form of self-criticism is one such factor that should be evaluated and addressed in couple therapy. The pathogenic qualities of self-criticism have been linked to an inability to generate feelings of self-warmth and reassurance, which can counteract the sense of threat associated with self-criticism. Promoting self-compassion within romantic relationships may increase relationship quality. Indeed, it has been shown that self-compassionate individuals present a more positive behaviour in romantic relationships and a higher relationship satisfaction than people lacking self-compassion.

Several interventions may be useful in helping couples to deal with feelings of inadequacy. These include compassion-focused therapy, which aims to promote the activation of the soothing system of affect regulation, allowing people to experience warmth, safety and connectedness in intimate relationships; but also the Mindfulness-Based Relationship Enhancement and the Mindful Self-Compassion Program, which may help couples to attain a more self-compassionate stance. Helping people to deal with feelings of inadequacy in a self-compassionate way may contribute to more satisfying, gratifying and fulfilling relationships and should therefore be equated in the context of couple therapy.